I saw him. He was trying not to look desperate. I saw her too. She was hiding it well. Addicts in daylight. Undiscovered and unrecognized. No needle marks, no dead-looking eyes. In fact, I couldn't even detect the nervous tremor in their arms.
Who me? Erm, yes! The 21st century addict is not hooked on drugs (some really are). Hooked, yes! But to what? For many of us, our lives are filled with holes. Even knowing Christ, we cannot seem to cover our big gaping holes. Deficiencies mostly from the past ~ a lack of love, a lack of self-worth, a lack of dignity, a lack of ------! There is a hidden stream running deep within many of our lives. Driving us to be perfect, to attain higher, to move from one person to another in relationships, to seek success economically and materially. We need to feed these addictions to survive the inner voices that taunt us. Outwardly we look smart, happy and vibrant. Inwardly we are afraid that nobody loves us, or we are going to be nobodies, and depressed. Are you an addict?
Calling all addicts and ex-addicts. This Addict's Anonymous is for you to tell your story. Give voice to your "addictions" (love, material things, attention, status, etc). Share your pilgrimage of sorrow and maybe too of hope!
Thursday, April 12, 2007
Addict?
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Ya, I am addicted to brainless computer games! I have been analyzing & asking myself 'why'. Sometimes, it's coz I am just de-stressing but then, am I really under so much stress that I play so much? Sometimes, it helps to shut me out from others, & even when I am playing, I hear the echoes from within! Sometimes, it's coz at least with "computer games" - you have second chances; you can try & try again; you can gain better scores; you gain a sense of control especially when life seem senseless and out of control! Sigh!!
hey, i have exactly the same problem. But i only play computer games when I'm depress and i play non-stop. I don't want to get involve in any other thing around but just play games. Maybe it's like what u say, it gives me the second chance. Whenever i lose, i know there's still hope to try again.
-dots-
Dear fellow addict anonymous-es....
I am a storybook addict. Whenever I have problems, stress, or issues with people....or overwhelmed by assignments, I spend precious time re-reading storybooks.
I can avoid thinking about the issues if my mind is mechanically reading.
I can avoid making phonecalls to people i have problems with.
And I can 'mask' my real emotions by tumpang-ing the emotions in the story I'm reading.
But at one point, when I was reading a rather touching story, I found myself crying even before the emo part came. And I realised I'm not crying at the storybook, but crying at my own 'life' story, my current issue.
It's then so easy to tell myself that it's just the booklah....and forget that God is waiting for me to feel the hurt, and then find how nice it is to let it go, go to Him.
I run, and I run hard. When I am troubled or feel a failure, I have found my secret release. I just work and work and work. I just run from here to there. At least I don't keep hearing the noises that taunt me. People would probably call me a workaholic.
Once in a while I find the courage to stop and cry out to God. To face the issue head on. But there is so much in life that makes me feel a failure that I often think it is easier to keep running. Sigh.
For me.. I dislike uncertainties and I always want to have a sense of control, especially over the situations that I am in.. Again and again.. Sigh..
I have to constantly remind myself ~ Not to limit God and the way He works in situations and in our lives.
I am addicted to "Avoidance of Intimacy" if there is really such a thing. Very few people have known who I really am deep inside - feelings, struggles, hopes & dreams. Sometimes, I wonder whether these stuff are still there. Maybe cos' I am so used to not sharing my heart, I have stopped feeling, hoping, dreaming.
Past experiences of friendships and relationships gone wrong have really made me afraid of allowing others in. I don't want to fall into the same cycle / trap again.
There are times I feel very lonely deep inside & I wonder if anyone really understands me, really care if I live or die. It's hard when there's no one to laugh with, to cry with, to just do silly stuff together.
It's gotten so bad I have also shut God out. He is there but I am not allowing Him too near.
I am addicted to those fond memories I have had with a friend. It is permissible to dwell in those memory lanes, but it's not beneficial. I am struggling to muster that little ounce of courage in me to move on..
It's so hard..
I was addicted to 'serving'. 'Serving' in the sense of holding positions in youth, in CF committee. I could do the job well too. I was forever running around organising things, 'ordering' people around...
Till one day, someone asked me whether God wants me to be busy doing His work, or God prefers to just have some time alone with me. I got rather a shock when I heard that. Cos I thought I was 'loving' God by 'working' for Him.
Actually, I was running away from spending 'alone' time with Him. I decided to take a break from holding positions for 2 semesters. It helped me to be aware a bit more in seeing how He was working in my life, and also in the lives of my friends around me. And then He asked me to 'serve' by meeting the needs of the friends which I saw, even though I'm not in the committee.
So, I guess for me, taking a forced break from the 'addicting activity' helped.....
I was asking myself a question-why am I serving in the CF? Is it because it makes me feel good about myself, to feed that kind of addiction?
I'm addicted to serving too... Friend, thanx for your sharing. It has helped me to see things in a different perspective.
i am an addict. addict to masturbation. anyone out there can help? it has turned into a habit. something i have to do everyday. i am so afraid of how it will affect my future.
i know God is near and He can help me. I know what the Bible says.
I know. i know.
i cant help myself.
i am an addict.
:(
i'm addicted to Youtube...just watch and watch and watch. there are millions of ppl posting all kinds of dumb stuff there...but i sometimes feel i'm dumber for mindlessly watching them. wish i could have a focused interest, like maybe a particular music genre i like, so that i'm not so random and mindless when watching.
Fellow addicts, here's workaholic again! Surely the Lord does not want us to remain in our addictions? While our addictions give us release for a while, I find myself tied, ... imprisoned, ... in an unending cycle of tension, needing release, hooked; tension, needing release, hooked ...
So how ah? Yes, like anonymous I believe God will pull us through whether our addiction is Youtube, masturbation, computer games, gossipping, storybooks, etc. But what can our part be? Being conscious of what we are doing? Confessing to God and maybe someone trusted? And untying ourself from the hooks? Praying for release and miracles? It may be ardous, but we surely can do it step by step. I'm cheering you on, co-addicts.
I understand your struggle dear anonymous. Masturbation really hooks us, huh?! It seems to promise so much of comfort, pleasure and release, and then the terrible, terrible guilt.
I feel what hooks us really, really bad often has many underlying causes like loneliness, troubles, a sense of rejection, shame and maybe even pure lust. Why not start there. Examine the roots causes and ask for God's healing and forgiveness. After all, masturbation is not the root cause, it is just a mere symptom of something deeper. Let's look deeper lah. Thank you anonymous for sharing what many struggle with.
I used to be addicted to a certain type of books, (with very graphic descriptions). When I find an author who writes like that, I'd then collect and read all that author's books. My excuse was always that the author is truly a good writer.
Later on I realised that it was the descriptive parts of the book which I kept re-reading. I realise I was an addict.
I didn't know how to stop it. But I stumbled upon a way. If I ever come across a book with these types of writings, I stop reading it immediately, and sort of 'blacklist' that author. And I try to avoid reading books from that author. After a while of reading 'clean' books, the desire to read the bad type of books slowly disappeared in me.
I thank God for showing me a way out, and helping me step by step, book by book.
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